Haven Review : Chemistry

Film & Television

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Synopsis

It all kicks off in Haven this week as Duke goes full on rogue and Dr. Charlotte Cross of the not CDC’s secrets come tumbling out.

Review

Everything starts so well for Duke this week. It seems that he’s finally found an ally, friend and lover in Mara. And maybe she’s not so bad after all. Wait, what’s that? It’s all a lie and Mara has been playing you from the start? Frankly, I am not surprised and neither should you be.

We begin the episode with a fully-dressed Duke creepily waiting for Mara to wake up from her post-coital doze. How long has he been sitting there? Long enough apparently to formulate a plan on how to acquire the missing aether taken by our mysterious Guardsman from last week. This plan has to be implemented now? “What did you think we were going to do? Have brunch? Crosswords in bed?” he scornfully asks Mara. Oh, Duke. You’re acting so aloof but we can see right through you. Mara convinces him to go to the store to pick up some eggs for a lazy breakfast, when he receives a telephone call. Apparently she’s been kidnapped. “Apparently” being the key word in this sentence.

Away from the Duke/Mara psychodrama, Audrey continues to suffer from whatever it is she is suffering from. Her cells are degenerating, Dr. Charlotte Cross of the not CDC says. But given that the good doctor has taken to carrying around a super-secret notepad with different pictures of Mara and her avatars from across the ages, I think it’s probably best to get a second opinion.

Charlotte asks Audrey if she is being forthright about her “condition.” Are you somehow “special” Charlotte Cross asks her. Me? Special? I’m the magic savior of the Troubles who appears every 27 years and is also a split-off personality from Mara the magic creator of the Troubles. I enjoy candlelight dinners and long-walks on the beach. Other than that, I’m perfectly “normal.”

Nathan and Vince Teague, Haven’s very own Keystone cops, take it upon themselves to continue their frankly inept investigation into Dr. Charlotte Cross. They, of course, don’t turn anything up, although I like Vince’s investigative style—he blatantly roots through Charlotte’s handbag and finds the no-longer-super-secret notepad of Emily Rose pictures from history. Well, so much for that. She explains it away by saying that she found the photos on the website of the Haven Herald, the local newspaper ostensibly edited by Vince Teague. So, Vince Teague former leader of the Guard and protector of Haven’s most ancient secrets has uploaded proof of the Troubles onto the internet. Hasn’t this guy heard of Google image search?

Nathan and Vince’s inept investigation techniques anger smitten police chief Dwight, and even when they do turn something tangible up—namely that her DNA does not match her records—they decide to keep it a secret. At the same time as all this, Nathan is pursuing a secondary investigation into the missing aether. It turns out it was taken by Kirk. You remember Kirk? Literally the only Guardsman we have met this season who is still alive. The guy whose Trouble is that he takes the oxygen out of the air. You know, Kirk Bowers the suffocator.

After rushing back to the cabin to find it ransacked and Mara-less, Duke manages to figure out that she was “kidnapped” by Kirk, our suffocator-in-chief. He discovers this in a terribly implausible and plot-holish way that doesn’t bear going into here, suffice it to say that the results of DNA-testing in Haven works according to the whims of the writers.

So we have a pretty cool confrontation scene between frenemies Natahn and Duke—although it’s closer to enemies than friends these days—as they both seek out our errant Guardsman Kirk. It seems that Mara means more to Duke than he first let on. They point guns at each other. Talk stoically. And then Duke brains Nathan with a wrench. Take that, Tinman! Elsewhere, Dwight takes this opportunity to tell Charlotte all about Duke. Why didn’t you tell me about this before, she asks him. He’s got a supernatural curse that allows him and his family to kill people and remove their Troubles and he’s totally banging original Trouble-maker Mara? Science that!

After getting it on with Charlotte Cross in a hospital cupboard (yes, this happened) Dwight goes to visit some mate of his that you’ve never seen before and that you wouldn’t care about unless you’re into wrestling. They talk about the “good old Guard days” and women Trouble. This guy (some wrestler who I refuse to Google) has obviously never met Kirk. Also, he’s working as a bartender and is a walking/talking bartender cliché.

While the investigation into Charlotte continues, this time with a cursory search of her car, Duke confronts Kirk and kills him, strangling the suffocator to death one handed after getting all amped up on Trouble blood. OK, that was badass! But something appears to be happening to our favorite bad boy as his eyes turn silver and he transfers Kirk’s curse on to Benny, who is only in the episode to die. “You gave me curse Trouble,” Benny laments to Duke as he suffocates his friends. OK, we should definitely call it “curse Trouble” from now on.

Vince and Audrey find a ring in Charlotte’s car. Sarah’s ring. Nathan’s ring. What is this time travelling ring? Nathan catches up with Duke at his bar where they have another stoic talk, this time while looking out at the bay. What is this, Dawson’s Creek? Suddenly a delivery guy shows up with a package for Duke? Don’t tell me that it’s from the Doc? The Doc’s alive? He’s in the Old West, but he’s alive! Wrong movie reference. It’s Kirk’s stolen and now empty aether canister and Mara’s toe. We should be thinking Big Lebowski and not Back to the Future. Duke, after rushing Natahn off having finally guessed where this is all heading, gets a call from Mara. Yes, she is free. Yes, she arranged all of this. Yes, she cut off her own toe. What of it? She scathingly mocks Duke’s abandonment fears and he snaps, crying black tears? Black tears? What is going on? I’ve “unlocked” your powers and you’re kind of awesome now, Mara tells him as he cries aether.

As if that isn’t enough, the episode concludes with Audrey and Nathan confronting Dr. Charlotte Cross of the not CDC. Who are you? Where did you get this ring? Dwight, who seems to have forgotten what he learnt on day one of the Guard orientation day about not spilling Haven’s most ancient secrets, tells Charlotte about Mara. Not everything in Haven can revolve around keeping Audrey’s secret, he says. Charlotte spills a secret of her own. “I’m your mother,” she tells Audrey. Dwight looks shocked. Me and you both pal.

Quotes

Mara : Find the aether and we could do that [sex] a thousand times over. You have an angry energy and I like that in bed.
Duke : (rolling his eyes) Yeah. OK.

Gloria : There are two sides to every story, kitten. But this isn’t a sandbox fight, people’s lives are mixed up in this.
Duke : I’m just doing what I had to. Nobody wants to see it.
Gloria : You always were a good kid. A criminal. But a good kid.

This article was originally published here.